So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
