I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
