Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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