Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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