Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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