How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think my mom watched the whole time
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
