three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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