My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
