so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
