I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
