She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
