Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
