dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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