Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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