They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
