Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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