I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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