yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
