Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
