Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
