Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
