I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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