he thought i was a dude.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
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Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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