in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
