I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
