Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
only if we run a train.
done.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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