Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
