She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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