When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
