there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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