if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
