Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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