bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
