4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
