PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You dont lie about slip and slides
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
