fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
