At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
