I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
how does that bad decision feel?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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