Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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