Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
