What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
