I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
