My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
