Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
