some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
