Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
