I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
