you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
