you guys were way drunker than both of me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
