Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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