Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
as a side note pls kill me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
