Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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