There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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