this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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