I just cut my nipple shaving
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do herpes really smell.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
