Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
