i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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