I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The uberlube is also flammable
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize