Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
