I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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