If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
