He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
