So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
