My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
