He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
