So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
