he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
