don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
