i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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