I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
