oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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