so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
