How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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